Lately, I’ve been having these really strange, bizarre dreams. Dreams that make no sense, that have no grounding. Now normally, I don’t put much stock in “what dreams mean”. But to experience the same type of dream has really thrown me off. This past week has involved an abnormal amount of cannibalism.
Earlier in the week, I dreamed Jon and another woman were feasting on the muscles in my right thigh. I’m lying on a table, with absolutely no problems, my right side slit from armpit to ankle, my insides exposed. The muscles resembled cooked chicken breast: white and strong-looking. The girl is just having at it, and then suddenly I’m also her, eating my thigh, without absolutely no qualms. Then I get up from the table, miraculously sewn together, and begin stumbling around, marveling at the very noticeable differences in my thighs–one very firm and equal, the other thin and wobbly and dropped-off looking. I can’t remember much past that, except that we were in a submerged submarine, and there were whale skeletons embedded in the ship’s walls. And it wasn’t a happy place, I can tell you that much. Obviously–I was being eaten alive.
Last night, my dream revolved around my left leg (which I feel is somehow my body compensating for the right leg being eaten earlier in the week). I was preparing dinner for my family, but couldn’t figure out what to serve them. So I CHOPPED OFF MY LOWER LEFT LEG WITH A BREAD KNIFE. Because THAT seems like a good idea, right? Who wouldn’t want to serve their own shin to their family? Pass the barbeque sauce!
Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt that much, there wasn’t any blood, and when I glanced down at it, it was just a pale stub. I could still FEEL my foot, but in my dream I associated it with phantom limb syndrome (I know, right? Even unconscious I’m sophisticated and knowledgeable!) So I merrily go along, slicing my calf and foot like freakin’ ham steaks and grill those (delicious-looking) bad-boys right up! My brother comes in, takes his plate, and makes a remark along the lines of “I’ve never had human but I’m willing to try it”. BROTHER IF I CHOPPED OFF MY LEG FOR YOUR DINNER YOU ARE DAMN WELL GOING TO EAT IT. And then I have myself a slice of leg! I surfaced from my REM cycle, waking momentarily to tap my feet together to reassure myself they both were still there, then fell into an altogether different dream involving a prostitute mother-turned-father cab driver who drops me off at an ‘antique’ barn that won’t sell me anything. I know–NIGHTMARE. Plus there was this little tow-headed kid named Henry running around without any shoes on and my friend Susan was trying to ‘save’ his poor little barefooted self from this cab-driving mother.
I’m wondering if these dreams have anything to do with the fact that I’ve taken to cooking meat at my house again. Of course it’s all grass-fed, all-natural creatures from the farmer’s market, but I’ve NEVER cooked a whole chicken, let alone in this tiny apartment. While I never eat meat when eating dinner with the king, I’m enjoying the roasted chicken, chicken stir-fry, and chicken tacos that I can conjure up sans boyfriend. It’s good for the nights after the weight-lifting classes.
But aside from that, I’m really having a hard time understanding what this is all about. A quick search on the Googler tells me that I have some dark, forbidden obsession that I feel is consuming all of my energy, or I feel like I’m being self-destructive. But I honestly cannot even begin to figure out what dark obsession I’m denying myself. I indulge all of my temptations, no one is left behind. But I’d really love to stop dreaming about self-cannibalism. Gives me a bad taste in my mouth (pun!) about eating meat.
I’d love to hear other explanations!