That’s what December felt like–mushy and soft and gelatinous. From Halloween to Christmas, I felt like I was walking around in a sugar coma. The never-ending stream of candy, small gifts of chocolates and sweets, combined with EVERYONE’S lax eating habits around this time; it all led to excess.
This year, with the New Year so close in mind, I kept excusing my bad behavior, like everyone else on the planet. With no one else to police my eating habits, I found myself saying, “well the new year will bring back derby training and then I’ll begin the Paleo diet”. Which is all true, but can hardly justify the amount of chocolate, sweet breads, cookies, truffles and snickers (bite-size!) candies I ingested nearly around the clock. “Know thyself” has never been a problem–I know that I have little to no self-control, and when the office was inundated with treats, I found it impossible to resist.
Like all good things, my binge had to end at some point. Luckily for me, it came a week or so before Christmas, when I recognized this annual habit of over-indulging and found it impossible to find any clothes I was comfortable wearing to the office. Enough is enough, I says to myself.
December brought, as it usually does, thoughts of what this next year would bring, and how I could live the way I want to (thoughts that began with this post). I was doing research on the Paleo “diet” (I hate calling it that, because it’s more of a mind-shift), and I knew that when derby training started up again I would have a more regimented workout routine, but I wanted to think about who I am, and how I define myself. And then Christmas happened.
I didn’t want much this year–new tennis shoes to work out in, a dutch oven, jumper cables. I threw out that I wanted a season pass for TXRD, but I knew how expensive it was and didn’t really think I’d get one. But lo and behold, look what Santa brought me! I was ecstatic! And then “Santa” (Mom) told me that it was a gift from her and MY BROTHER. My baby brother, who has grown into a funny, considerate, enormous man, who has a well-paying job, a lovely home, and an even lovelier woman. The short of it is that when he found out how much I wanted that pass, even though he’d already purchased my gifts for Christmas, he wanted me to have it. And when my mother told him it was expensive, he replied that the money did not mean as much to him as that gift would mean to me.
When she told me that, I couldn’t help but cry. I was so HUMBLED. I felt so loved in that moment. His generosity was unexpected and undeserved. I felt overwhelmingly how much he thought of me, of how his love for me is not dependent on how much time we can’t spend together. It was such a lovely Christmas present–the knowledge of his consideration. The pass was a mere bonus.
The whole experience did get me thinking again, about what kind of woman I want to strive to be this approaching (and now present) year. And immediately I thought, “If I can be the kind of woman who is as generous, self-less, and soft-hearted as Tom, I will consider myself much improved”. So that’s my biggest goal this year: to be generous–with time, money, and food. To be slow to anger, to be generous with patience and people in the moments I would rather think of myself.
I don’t care if resolutions are passé and uncool to do anymore. I like making them. I like the feeling of a fresh clean new year that can give me another chance. So a few other goals (because I can’t write a post on New Years day without doing so):
1.) An entire month of whole-hog Paleo, then an 80/20 lifestyle afterwards. The basics are quite simple: eat what a hunter/gatherer would eat. Meat, plants. Some fruit. No added sugar, no flour or grains. It means no legumes or dairy, which are two of my favorite food groups. I’m ready to start giving my body the things it’s built to run on–vitamins, minerals, nutrients, nourishment.
2.) Go 150% for derby. If I’m going to do derby, and I mean really DO it, then I want to be in the best possible shape. I want there to be no question that I am fully committed. I want to love my body–I want to give it what it needs, and be as careful with it as I can, and that means nourishment and action. It’s why I bought the skate upgrade–even though it was expensive, it was either do it now and be sooo much more prepared for tryouts in three months, or continue to let my beginner skates hold me back. So this is me doing it.
3.) I don’t want to feel like I’m always careening out of control with my finances. It’s time to rein in this stampeding pony.
4.) Join the circus as a trapeze artist. Because if I’m going to fail on one of my goals this year, I want this to be it.
Beyond that, I’m not going to give myself a “lose 50 pound” type resolution. I don’t want to limit myself. I say–these are the things I want to do this year–be healthy and fit and generous. This is the way I choose to live my life this year. I’ll keep you updated.