No, I’m not quitting my job. I would have to be clinically insane to quit at this particular point in my life because a) best job of my life b) derby and c) I’M BUYING A HOUSE.
I have two weeks until my closing date (12 days if we’re being exact). As May 7th draws closer and I cross another day off my mental calendar, it becomes more and more real. This week, a former office mate dropped off an enormous load of boxes, complete with packing materials, for me to use to start packing. She has also just purchased a home, and was generous (or smart) enough to donate her empty boxes to me, saving me many hours of dumpster diving and scavenging. I stored them away in the shed at work, however, until things are a bit more…settled.
I could have taken them home, because lord knows I have plenty of stuff and I’ll feel rushed there at the end, but the thought of living in a sea of boxes is both overwhelming and nerve-wracking. But in all honesty, it’s really because I don’t want to start packing just yet. It seems silly, when it still doesn’t seem REAL. I know that conversely, packing would probably make it finally hit home, but I still can’t bring myself to start sorting things out. Of course I want it to be real–I am constantly daydreaming about having so much more space, with so many more opportunities. I have even begun to say “WHEN I move into my house” as opposed to “IF I move into this house”, which still feels a bit like a jinx but as I am trying my best to really embrace this time, I say it anyway.
It’s only that I have this fear that as soon as I start packing up, I’ll get a phone call that will effectively end any and all planning. Things haven’t passed all the way through the underwriter’s, I haven’t heard back from the appraisal guy, and my lender said everything still has to go through the bond program’s office, all in the next TWO weeks. So forgive me if I’m a bit hesitant–it seems as if this just isn’t going to work out (and there’s a pesky pessimist living inside me who just won’t shut up).
That hasn’t stopped me from browsing Craigslist for a gently used sectional and guest bedroom furniture. I’ve started looking at the pet adoption websites to see who’s out there. I like to look at the Farm/Garden section of Craigslist to look at the chicks for sale, or to ponder if I should get a push mower or if I could justify a riding? (I’ll probably get a push, just because it’d be such a great workout). I’ve started actually reading the gardening & sustainable living books I’ve bought over the last few years, and my Pinterest is filling up with home maintenance tips, “how-to’s” on painting, crown moulding, and planting schedules. I gave my friends a virtual tour of the property, detailing some of my plans, and that made me feel the most vulnerable, similar to sharing my expectations & disappointments here in this space.
So with all this planning and tentative preparation, I’ve started to move forward, in my own way. All of these things aren’t permanent: they’re steps I can take that won’t adversely affect me if this doesn’t go through. It doesn’t hurt anyone to browse Craigslist, I haven’t committed to a dog, and Pins can always wait. The only pain comes from feeling like it’ll be for nothing, but I’m so ready for this I’m willing to chance it. And that’s the important thing, right?